so long, xanga. if i decide to write, this is where it will be:

http://yourblueroom.wordpress.com/

i love it when things are clean. i love cleaning and making things tidy and neat. i despise dirtiness, and if there is hair on the floor i have to fight the urge to vomit. my hatred for coming home to a dirty house burns brighter than the fires of a thousand suns. this obsession that i have with cleaning goes so far that i will get on my hands and knees and clean the entire kitchen and dining room floor using only Clorox wipes (the mop looked too dirty, go figure). this is where i found myself last night, scrubbing away at the filthy floor and oozing with pleasure at the thought of it soon being clean.

and suddenly, i realized something.

the kitchen will always be dirty. there are five girls and one strange little dog living in our house, and they have not all been endowed with the same freakish need for cleanliness that i have. unless someone actively decides to wage war against the collection of dust, dirt, hair, dead bugs, and crumbs that enjoy calling our kitchen home, they will remain there, growing ever larger and more frightening in number and type. for example, last night i found a little dead frog. it had been dead so long that it was dry and wrinkled, like it had been mummified. a little dead frog mummy. moving on...

cleaning last night made me think about Christ and what He does in my heart: braving the filth and the dark things that hide there to create something clean and pure.

heres the truth of the matter: i like to clean because i like to see progress. i like to feel in control. i like to know that i did something to make things better. this is where the metaphor breaks down, as all metaphors do, because i am a silly, sinful girl. much like my kitchen i am filthy dirty and i cannot clean myself unless He cleans me. i can no longer pretend that my furious scrubbing makes one iota of difference, because i will become dirty again, and i do not posess the energy or the temperance to keep up.

praise Christ for actively involving Himself in tenderly cleansing me of my sin and doing so out of love, all the while knowing i will continue to dirty myself again and again.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

i went home this weekend for my dad's bday, and i swear everything we did related to futbol and football. madness. and i STILL dont understand how to play football. and OU STILL sucks.

so, my uncle caught a hawk....with his bare hands? im still not too clear on how that all went down. but he has a hawk, and my bro fed it a live mouse and i very nearly cried. it was a sad/gruesome/awesome experience all at once. oh, the circle of life.

have you noticed the monarch butterflies lately? every fall like clockwork, they head down to Mexico. i dont know how they know where theyre going, they just go. thousands of them. while Dad and i were marveling over them this weekend, i rhetorically asked, "how the heck do they know when and where theyre going??", not expecting an answer, and my dad, who knows everything there is to know about anything, replied simply, "Because God tells them." he then launched into a super-scientific explanation of how its a matter of circadian rhythm, the waves of the autumn cool fronts, inherited flight patterns, and ultraviolet photoreceptors. "Like i said, its because God tells them." the man is a genius.

tomorrow is an incredibly special day- my favorite girl in the world is turning 23. she is beautiful and so special to me and is probably the best dancer i know. also, my favorite boy in the world is coming into town. he is fantastically good looking and makes me laugh A TON and brightens my life.
get excited!!!!!

"When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine."
Ezekiel 16:8

Derek Webb is one of the coolest, most gracious, generous, talented, unapologetic disciples of Christ that i have ever known. not that i know him, but you know what i mean. he just is.
i love whoever the guy was who continually requested the song "Dance" by screaming "I WANNA DANCE!!"
i love that Sandra McCracken and Derek are married and in love and incredibly talented and share the stage together and write songs for each other.
i love hanging out with cool dudes, getting lost in Big D, seeing old friends, and making new ones.

i love that this song is quoted by more lovesick Christian kids than any other. im still gonna quote it, because its just amazing.

"But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day...

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep"
"Table for Two" Caedmon's Call

so, i was listening to my U2 bootleg from the Dallas show last year, and it still gives me goosebumps and makes me tear up. i think that was the highlight of 2005 for me, no lie. i consider it a tremendous thing that God let me experience that, and you better believe it is on my "Don't Cry For Me" list.
oh, you know you were at least thinking about making one. dont judge me.

dont you ever take Experimental Methods. dont you dare.
but if you do, at least you might get to have fun sleepover-type study sessions where you drink amazing tea and do lit reviews until 2 in the morning and scream into pillows and try your very best not to say curse words. or you fall asleep and let your amazing friends do all the work and still let you take credit for it. i hate Experimental Methods, but i love my friends.

going to see DWebb tomorrow night. excited about that. what a stud.
wonder if he'll sing this song:
"the image of God invisible
the firstborn of all life
before and within, He holds it all in
one name, one faith, one Christ

no one is good enough to save himself
so awake my soul tonight to boast nothing else"

love that we studied this in homegroup last night:
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."
Colossians 1:15-17 

"when i stand on the edges of Jordan
with the saints and the angels beside
when my body is healed and the glory revealed
still i can boast only Christ"
-Derek Webb, "Awake My Soul"